The story of Theo & his magical star-shaped kitten

I stepped onto the sandlot, Johnny and Joey were there, along with Chrissy and Mary. Joey was telling the story of Theo and his kitten that was shaped like a star.

One day, Theo had found a star-shaped kitten while taking a walk through the park. He fed and cared for it until he realized the kitten had magical powers. The kitten seemed to disappear and reappear in different places. It seemed to get along with the rest of the animals pretty well, even plants responded to it. One day, the kitten spoke.
"I have to go home, will you come with me to my long lost star?"
Theo, without a thought, followed his kitten in a voyage through space and time. He didn't pack a bag. Didn't even take a map with him, because the lightest travelers can take the time to see the world without caring for their baggage. In Theo's case, he got to see the Universe. There they went, travelling from star to star.

As they travelled, Theo asked himself: "Now that I have seen the Universe, does it belong to my world or do I belong to its thought?" And he knew that the more he stepped where no man had been before, he would become the Universe and the Universe would become him. Soon he would be his own master.

One day (if we might call it that while travelling through space and time), they reached the destination of their interstellar travesy. The planet was bursting with star-shaped kittens. They walked around, climbed on sofa-shaped hills and played with fur-covered mice. As he looked around, Theo realized he had become what the star-shaped kitten was on Earth, for strangers are only so when they are amongst ourselves. In that planet, pain disappeared and the kitten's magic stopped being so, for special powers aren't so when at everybody's reach.

In that planet, Theo lived and died and lived again. A thousand years went by and Theo ne'er grew old. One day, boredom caught up to him, so he decided to jump from star to star and see different planets. Once again, he took no bags, because a man's only posessions are in his head and in his pockets.
"If I jump from star to star for a long, long time, he thought, maybe I will find home again and go back to my people to make them as wise as I am." What Theo didn't know was that the Universe never ends and he wouldn't find the star-shaped kitten's star nor the place he called home. And this is where he learned his final lesson: a wise man's only weakness lies in what he has left behind.

3h24

"dreaming somehow of time spent together lying down inmersed in what we never were and what we'll always be..."

Je m'excuse si mon français n'est pas le meilleur, ça fait longtemps que je ne l'écris pas. Ma situation actuelle est un peu compliquée.

Ma vie peut se résumer en une histoire qui se repète cycliquement chaque un ou deux ans: je connais une fille, je la connais un peu mieux, je tombe amoureux, elle ne veut être que mon amie. Je commence à me fatiguer.

Quoi peux-je faire pour couper ce cycle et avoir une vie normale au moins une fois? Je ne peux pas changer mon escence - c'est moi, c'est ma vie et je cherche à être complémenté, et je sais qu'à quelque part il y a une personne qui est sur cette planète que pour moi. Je ne peux non plus reprimmer mes sentiments, cela ne finirait que par me tuer. Éviter les personnes avec qui ce genre d'affaires m'arrive? Impossible.

Chaque fois que çà m'arrive j'arrive à penser que cela va me faire plus fort, que la prochaine fois je ne tomberais pas si facilement et que peut-être ma peau deviendra très résistente et rien ne pourra la pénétrer. C'est pas vrai, j'ai aussi de mal aujourd'hui quil y à un ou cinq ans.

J'arrive même à penser que le discours est toujours le même: "T'es mon ami, t'es vraiment trop spécial pour moi, je ne veux pas perdre notre amitié, tu mérites quelqu'une meuilleure que moi..." Je le connais par coeur. C'est une bonne idée de mettre certains points au clair:
Dès le moment où la conversation commence, l'amitié est déjà perdue. Dire que tout va continuer comme auparavant es le plus gros mensonje qu'on peut écouter.
Si ce n'est pas moi le problème et j'ai plein de qualités, je voudrais savoir ce que vous attendais de quelqu'un... si le problème est que que vous me trouvez moche, DITES-LE! Un peu d'honnêteté n'a jamais tué personne et au moins ce serait une meilleure raison que "T'es trop bon pour moi".

Je ne peux pas dormir, c'es 4 heures du matin... dans quelques moments, le monde va continuer. La vie ne s'arrête pas. Ce matin je vais aller travailler. J'ai plein de choses à faire.

blueberries & cream

"i'm alright, it's just tonight
it's just a broken heart"
Eddie Vedder - Broken hearted

Don't let happiness bite you in the nose. It might hurt too much.

I built around her houses filled with ghosts that came out on a full moon. An acoustic image impregnated by her voice made me want to die listening to her. A thousand windows on her wall have been covered by the fog. Spring has come and gone in a minute or so. Stopped in shore, betting on castles in the air that turned out to be made of sand, washed away by the sea. Not a trace.

A moment can last forever just by looking at a person's eyes. From now on my soul and her eyes will beforever changed. They will treasure this moment and the world will keep on turning while I stand beside and look. Colors turn to grey. I can't escape anymore. But maybe, just maybe, she'll remember the taste of blueberries & cream and seize the day. She's not gone. She will never be gone. Still I already miss her. I feel I'm becoming colorblind, lost and looking for a green light to her mind.

That's it for now. Sorry. Never been too good at happy endings.

happiness, happi-less

Don't let happiness bite you in the nose. It might be contagious.

When I was sixteen, I used to think that being miserable was a way of life, that I was "happy being sad" , looking back, I can say that I feared being happy. I feared getting that happiness itch on my nose and then having it spread all through my body and before knowing it, losing all inspiration to write, to make music and to make my world turn. During this time of my life, I used to take actions that I knew would hurt me in order to function. By ninteen, I realized that I was living on an illusion: I didn't have the need to torture myself emotionally for my system to work. Maybe happiness was, after all, attainable. I still feared it, though, for reasons that I still don't understand. I had some weak attempts at being happy but overall, I kept myself busy enough to not have the time to care for my well-being. I was living in a mild state of "not happy, not sad". I used to say I enjoyed being by myself.

Six years later, I'm waking up from that numbness and realizing that I'm in a stage in my life where I have the right of happiness. Bliss can come in many ways, but it's usually when you get a taste of it that you start craving it. When a person comes along that blows your mind away and touches your life in such a fashion that it loses all stability. Such person makes you question your ways, think about the future and set yourself a new stage to reach. Such person makes you feel the itch and helps to spread it all over you.

40 shades of grey: a guide to loneliness

woke up feeling numb... was it the cold?
or was it that I had no one to look for?
stumbled throught the streets
wondering if I'll ever be alright... if I'll ever fell alright
washing my love in a river of thoughts.

losing hope is the first step to loneliness

stared at the people and the grey sky
as a light mist covered my mind
and the life I once devised
was drowning in grey... was drowning in blue
and dragging me down with it.

not caring is the second step to loneliness

got lost in a crowd and the crowd became me
as the notions of love and hate
grew blurrier by the moment.
Will I ever accept this? Accept my reality?
and stop wearing this mask

lying to yourself is the third step to loneliness.

mad like crazy

As I walk down the street, that cold wind that always precedes rain starts blowing. We're only halfway through February. It shouldn't be raining.

If there's something I like even more than rain, is the moment right before it. Cold wind, smells floating on the air. Nature opens itself for a piece of sky. Earth gets ready for a drink of sweet, sweet water. Never is the world more alive than at that precise moment. Everything relates to it. Like a flower blossoms in spring, the world awakens when it rains. Birds flying back to their nest, looking for a place to pass the storm at. That lack of sunlight that somehow reminds you of those dark moments in your life.

When the first drops start falling, the perfect moment gets a perfect complement. Magic in a drop, that's how I like to call it. Life, that's how she liked to call it. But to see her, to see her was such a wonderful sight...

overwhelming

People come and then they go. Someday I will leave too. I have never believed that change is bad, the hard part is surviving it. We should learn from the butterflies. A caterpillar builds its chrysalis and prepares for change. Time passes until one day, a butterfly breaks it and its wings, still crumpled and wet begin drying under the sun. This is when a butterfly is most susceptible to predators. The same thing happens to us. Whenever we're trying to adapt to a new enviroment is when we risk not surviving change. The odds of surviving, not unlike butterflies, are slim, but still it's a risk we have to take.

We differ from butterflies because we are able to percieve that change, we feel it coming and most of the time we choose not to accept it. We know the outcome of change, but fear prevents us... butterflies change without knowing the outcome. That should be enough to help us overcome fear.

by the sea and sand

Thirty yards off the shoreline. The sun's glow reflected on the dark sand. I feel that mild sting of salt water in my eyes. Six twenty-seven in the morning, or so my internal clock tells me. Slept on a hammock, dawn woke me up. Sunday morning. Sunday mourning. I mourn for no one but myself.

Last night, many songs were played, many people were met. Last night, I felt alive. Today, I'm not so sure anymore. It's not a lack of sleep, water or food. It's not excess nicotine either. It's a feeling of emptiness that has been around for too long.

Yoga on the beach. People running. Good morning sun, here I am. May your warmth bring life back to me. Yesterday was Velentine's day for some. Yesterday a couple found love somewhere. Twenty others lost it and millions thought what they had would last forever. Even that illusion would have made me happy. At least for a day... or maybe two.

Sorry. You don't need to drink to be hung-over.

i wish

as i melt near the heat of the sunset
can't stop thinking of you
i hope you're watching it too
looking back, you're in every step i took
walking under the rain
i didn't see you today
i wish i was allowed to miss you
i wish, i wish, i wish for a sign in the dark
i wish you held the strings that hold me to the ground
i wish the stars were young and your eyes were in them all the time
i wish time didn't fly without carrying me on...
i wish dusk belonged to you so i could visit you anytime
i wish anywhere was your home so i could see you again
i wish i didn't care and i wish you did

all my life

Woke up in the middle of the night
Time to take a break from thinking of you
The thought of someday needing you
Haunting my mind...

And in my dream I was afraid
Of feeling the wrong kind of thing
For the right kind of you
As I always do

You see, I'm way past 22
Still having dreams of green and blue
But when they are of grey and black
I can't go back
It tears my world apart

Stole my words from a little kid
I can't believe, but sometimes I feel
Wisdom has escaped from me
Into the sea, and I'm lost in here

I'll wrap my gift in a paper thin
Print of leopard skin
It's left laying in front of me
Still I feel I'm just a commodity

You see, all this rave of you and I
Dancing in my mind
Makes me feel life passing me by
And still I try to change my lie

undone

the world has come undone

like to change it everyday

change don't come at once

it's a wave building before it breaks

Eddie Vedder - Undone

Sometimes the world opens up in front of you. Sometimes things change for the better. Sometimes you can stop and appreciate all life around you. But sometimes, the world implodes in front of you, things only change for worse and you can't seem to find anything positive in what surrounds you.

These are times when you have to take decisions. Should you try and change things for the better or should you just take a step and see how low can you drop? When swallowing your feelings is not an option anymore, both options are one and the same. It usually depends on what the world can do for you. A leap of faith that has to end all doubt. Whether the outcome is positive or negative isn't up to you anymore. It's up to the universe to favor you. It's up to aother person to welcome you or forever ban you.

Let's see how it goes.

read between the limes

The easiest way to have something misunderstood when you're writing is getting it read in a different way than you intended. For example, when the writer tries to get across ideas that lay in the deep of his heart, but the reader tries to interpret the text rationally, the message delivered by the first gets lost somewhere on the way to the former.

What I've found works in preventing this type of things is reading with an open mind. I've re-read letters that I received 6 or 7 years ago and finally got the message the writer had intended for me. It was quite a shock and changed some of the premises I had been working on for many years, but like a message in a bottle finally reaching its long lost destination, the writer had his message delivered... and understood.

We should read between the limes, and between the oranges when it becomes necessary.

every picture tells a story...

and every story has a bit of love behind it.



I have been going through some hard times in my life. True, my friends are behind or near me most of the time, but there are other parts of my life that make the rest miserable: my work sucks (but isn't that how work is supposed to be?), I don't really know where I'm heading to and every day I feel lonelier.

Sometimes we take certain aspects of our lives and try to make them perfect. We immerse ourselves in work to compensate our lack of personal fulfillment. We materialize every emotion and shop away our worries in order to forget our existential meaninglessness. We oversocialize on a non-personal basis because deep inside, we're afraid of sharing our deepest thoughts with one and only one person.

And this is where the girl comes in (she always seems to, doesn't she?). Whenever I lose balance in one of my "perfect" spots (in this case, work), I realize how deep this overcompensation has gone into my being. Every time work stresses me out, my lack of emotional fulfillment is brought out. And this is where things start to clear for me. Maybe I work too much and worry too much about unimportant events. Maybe I try to keep my mind busy all of the time and forget what is meaningful for me. And maybe, just maybe, I am, after all, in love.

And only accept it when I'm down.

just add water and watch it grow

Just add water and watch it grow

She is a cat person. She swears it isn't true, but I'm pretty sure she is. She just has never had one. She's never had a coat either, and she's always cold. I guess that's why she's always asking other people for theirs.
- Meow, she said that morning. She was wearing her pale yellow pajamas and had a bottle of juice in her hand. - Here's breakfast.

It's funny how sometimes you want to forget everything and go back to what you used to know when you were a kid. She is that way. She's always asking how stuff works; wondering if there's a little bit of magic to everything. Other times, her idea of fun is so naïve, I get surprised. But then, she snaps back to her normal self and becomes a grown-up woman in matters of seconds. You can see it in her face and in her hands. You can hear it in her voice. It's weird, but I've managed to love both of them.